Joy and Sorrow

Can we find joy while experiencing grief and sorrow?

The answer is yes we can find joy—though it might not look or feel like it once did. Grief and joy are not mutually exclusive. You can deeply mourn someone you've lost and still laugh at a memory, find beauty in a sunset, or feel warmth in a hug. These moments of joy don't erase the sorrow; rather they coexist, sometimes quietly and sometimes more noticeably.

In the wake of loss, it's hard to imagine that joy could ever return. I remember the early days after David passed—how even the sunlight seemed too bright, the world too loud, as if life dared to move on when mine had come undone. Grief was all-consuming, and for awhile, I couldn't imagine feeling anything but the ache of his absence.

And yet, somewhere along the way, I noticed it—quiet, almost gradual moments of joy. They came softly; the smell of fresh herbs while cooking one of our favorite meals. A smile while watching the birds at the feeder. A genuine laugh during a conversation, and being surprised by its presence.

At first, these moments felt strange—like I was betraying my grief, but over time, I began to see them differently. They weren't signs that I was "over it" or forgetting. They were signs of life gently returning. They were reminders that joy and sorrow can exist side by side.

Grief doesn't end so that joy can begin, they often walk together. We can feel the weight of our loss and still recognize beauty, connection and hope. Our hearts are expansive—it can hold both pain and peace.

For anyone walking through grief, please know this: it's okay to feel joy again. It might come in small, tender ways at first, like tiny lifelines when a memory makes you smile instead of cry. The comfort of a familiar ritual, a sense of calm you didn't expect, these are not signs that you are leaving your love one behind, rather they are signs that love endures—and that you are learning to carry it differently.

Grieving doesn't mean we stop living. It means we're learning how to live with the love and the loss, both held in the same heart.

Moments Where Joy Might Appear During Grief:

• Cooking a loved one's favorite meal: The act of preparing food they enjoyed can bring a sense of connection and warmth, even amid tears. It took awhile for me to start to do the thing I loved the most, cooking, and there were plenty of tears in the beginning. Now I find great joy in preparing the things David enjoyed.

• Hearing a song that reminds you of them: Sometimes a song will transport you to a shared moment, and instead of just bringing sadness, it brings a smile or gratitude for that memory.

• Spending time in nature: A quiet walk, the sound of birds, or the feel of the sun on your skin can bring a surprising sense of peace.

• Laughter with others who knew your loved one: I feel so strongly about this one. Sharing stories can bring not just healing, but genuine joy—even belly laughs—when remembering their quirks or sense of humor. David had such funny sayings, and everyone who knew him, and our sons, still say them, which brings such joy.

• Continuing a tradition you shared: Whether it's a holiday recipe, a morning routine, or watching a favorite movie, honoring that tradition can invite a tender kind of joy.

"Take a moment and think—have you recently smiled when thinking of your loved one? Laughed while telling a story about them? Felt comforted by something they once said or did? Those moments are joy showing up, gently reminding you that love remains."

A Gentle Invitation to Reflect

Grief can be consuming, but joy has a quiet way of finding us—even if just for a moment. Take a few minutes to reflect:

When was the last time you felt a flicker of joy, even while grieving?

Was it a memory? A shared laugh? A simple moment of peace?

Write it down. Let yourself revisit that feeling—not as betrayal of your grief, but as a reminder of the love that still surrounds you.

Joy doesn't mean forgetting. It means you are still living, still loving, still carrying the one you've lost in new ways.

A Gentle Guide to Holding Joy and Sorrow. Use the following questions to reflect on your journey through grief. There are no right or wrong answers—just your honest heart.

1. Can you remember a recent moment where you felt even a small spark of joy?

   What were you doing? Who were you with? How did it feel in your body?

2. Was there a time when you smiled or laughed while remembering your loved one?

   Describe that memory. What about it brought warmth to your heart?

3. In what ways have you felt your loved one's presence in everyday life?

   Are there signs, symbols, songs, or habits that make you feel connected?

4. What traditions, routines, or rituals bring you comfort?

   Is there something you do now—big or small—that helps you feel grounded or joyful?

5. How can you create space for joy in the coming days?

   What small practice or moment can you welcome in, even if it's just for a few minutes?