Coping with the Holidays – Week Two

Honoring Your Loved One

When someone we love is no longer here to celebrate the holidays with us, their absence can feel even more profound. However, the love and memories they gave us don’t disappear, they remain a part of who we are. Finding ways to honor your loved one can be a comforting way to keep their spirit alive.

Creating a Special Ritual

Rituals provide structure and can emphasize loving memories and give expression to feelings far beyond our vocabularies. As an individual or as a family, find a ritual that demonstrates your heartfelt feelings and do it! Memories are your keepsakes; treasure them.

You might:

•  Light a candle in their memory

• Set up a special ornament or decoration in their honor

• Write them a letter expressing your feelings. This may seem a little strange at first but

being able to express how you are feeling without anyone telling how or what to say can

be very freeing.

• Create a Memory Box; If you haven’t created one yet, use the holiday to do this. Search

through your loved one’s memorabilia and find items he or she saved that were

important. At a family gathering, open the box and share the story of the items that are in

your box.

Carry on a Tradition They Loved

Was there a holiday activity or dish they really enjoyed? Continuing these traditions can feel like you are sharing the season with them. My husband loved Bakalava which I always made at Christmas, and I continued to make it in his memory over the next few years after his death.

Making New Traditions in Their Honor

Start something fresh, like donating to a cause they cared about, volunteering in their memory, which is something that I did, volunteering for hospice who had been wonderful in caring for David. Create a “memory jar” and each holiday have family members contribute a memory of your loved one which is then put into the jar and either read together as a family or for you to read on your own. It’s wonderful and can be surprising to read some of the memories that family members shared of your loved one.

Share Stories and Memories

“Losing a loved one is a profound experience, and finding ways to keep their memory alive can be a comforting and meaningful part of the grieving process. Sharing your story and talking about that person and the impact that he or she had on your life is a key part of healing.” (excerpt from Recipes for Healing) Sharing your stories or inviting others to contribute memories can deepen the connection. During my first Thanksgiving while we were gathered around the table each person shared a memory, usually a funny story about my husband and my mom as she had died the previous year. This helped so much because it was not only comforting but it removed “The Elephant in the Room!”

Give Yourself Grace

Honoring your loved one should feel right for you. Acknowledge your feelings, lower your

expectations, and being kind to yourself during the process. Grace is about accepting your

emotional state without judgement and understanding that healing takes time and is not linear. Go at your own pace, honor your need for rest, say “NO” if things feel overwhelming, and forgive yourself for not having all the answers. You are doing the best you can in a difficult situation.

Take good care

Week two Recipe

Because while we are grieving, cooking for some is not a top priority, the recipes I will share will be easy and delicious. This week two very easy appetizers, the first one is in my book Recipes for Healing, and the second a recipe I cut out of the newspaper over twenty years ago!

Crabbies

1(5-ounce) jar Kraft Old English Sharp Cheddar Cheese Spread

1 can lump crabmeat, drained

1 stick of butter, softened

dash of tabasco

dash of Worcestershire sauce

1 (6-pack) package of English muffins, separated in half

Paprika

Combine Old English spread, crabmeat, butter, tobacco, and Worcestershire, and spread on

muffins. Sprinkle with paprika. Bake at 375 degrees F for 10 minutes, and then broil to brown,

watching closely. Cut into quarters and serve. These can be made beforehand and frozen to use when needed. Just pop in the oven at 375 degrees and cook for 15 to 20 minutes as it will require more time to reach the required temperature.

Cheddar-Seafood Snackers

1 cup cooked chopped shrimp

1-1/2 tablespoons thinly sliced scallion

1 cup shredded Cheddar cheese (shred from block of cheese rather than packaged )

½ cup mayonnaise

1 teaspoon fresh lemon juice

¼ teaspoon curry powder

About 3 dozen crackers of your choice. I use plain Triscuits

In a small bowl, combine all ingredients and refrigerate until ready to serve. Top each cracker

with seafood mixture and serve. These are simple, always a hit, and are so easy to make!

Enjoy and have a blessed and Happy Thanksgiving!