“Common Myths About Grief”

There are many myths about grief. Some are due to existing traditions, long-held beliefs, or expectations. Over the years I have had the privilege of listening to so many stories from grieving people, and I have come to wonder where people have got their ideas about how and when a person should grieve. So, let’s talk about the myths of grief, here are just a few:

Myth #1: Grief has a timeline.

The Truth: Grief does not follow a calendar.

There is no six-month mark where the pain expires. No one-year anniversary that magically makes you “better.” Grief softens in its own time — and sometimes it surges when you least expect it.

Grief is unique and very personal to the person going through it. Everyone has their own timeline, their own way of processing loss, their own way of coming out of the numbness and fog, where the healing begins.

Takeaway: Healing is not measured in months. It is measured in moments of breathing through what feels unbearable.

Myth #2: If you’re strong, you won’t fall apart.

The Truth: Strength and falling apart can coexist.

Strength isn’t about holding it together perfectly. It’s about allowing yourself to feel what is true. Some of the strongest moments in grief happen in tears, in honesty, in admitting, “This is hard.”

Takeaway: You are not weak because you are grieving. You are human.

Myth #3: Moving forward means moving on.

The Truth: Moving forward means carrying love differently.

We don’t “get over” someone we love. We learn how to carry them in a new way — in memories, in rituals, in recipes, in quiet conversations with their photograph.

Takeaway: Love does not end. It changes form.

Myth #4: It’s best to put the memories of your loved one in the past and go on with your life.

The Truth: Embracing the memories of your loved one is key to your healing, they will always be with you. You can leave behind the sorrow and grief and take with you those memories and experiences that will enhance your ability to grow and that expand your capacity for joy and happiness.

Takeaway: Remembering the past makes hoping for the future possible. Your future will become open to new experiences only to the extent that you embrace the past.

Myth #5: If you laugh, you’re done grieving.

The Truth: Joy and sorrow can sit at the same table.

You can laugh at dinner and cry in the car on the way home. You can cook a meal that comforts you and still ache deeply.

Both are real. Both are allowed.

Takeaway: Feeling joy does not betray your love.

This next myth is how I felt after the loss of my husband.

💔 Myth Specific to Loss of Spouse 

Myth: When you lose your spouse, you lose your identity.

The Truth: You don’t lose your identity — you lose the version of life you built together.

When you’ve shared decades — routines, inside jokes, shared meals, future plans — it can feel like half of you is gone.

After losing David, I didn’t just grieve him. I grieved us.The “we” in every sentence.The future we assumed we would grow into.

But over time, I began to understand something gently and slowly:

I am still me.I am just becoming a version of myself I never planned to be.

That becoming a new version is not betrayal.It is survival.It is love continuing in a different form.

Takeaway: Your identity is not erased by loss. It is reshaped by love.

My Final Thoughts

You may believe that your grief journey’s end will come when you recover from your grief. But the truth is, your journey will never end. People do not “get over” grief.

Dr. Alan D. Wolfelt, a noted author, educator and practicing grief counselor uses the term reconciliation. In reconciliation, the sharp, ever-present pain of grief gives rise to a renewed sense of meaning and purpose. Your feeling of loss will not completely disappear, yet they will soften, and the intense grief will become less frequent. Hope for a continued life will emerge as you are able to make commitments to the future, realizing that the person who died will never be forgotten, yet knowing that your life can and will move forward.

I have found this to be very true. Remember, we forever carry the burning ember of those we love within us. They are gone from our sight but will never be gone from our hearts.

Excerpts taken from Recipes for Healing, Working Through Grief One Plate at a Time, (Just Not Lasagna!)