Finding Your Circle: How to Know if a Grief Support Group is Right for You

Grief can be a lonely place, even when we’re surrounded by people who love us. Friends and

family often want to help, but unless they’ve experienced a similar loss, it can be hard for them to fully understand what our hearts are carrying. After David’s passing, I found that even in the company of loved ones, there were moments I felt completely alone in my grief. That’s when many begin to wonder: Would joining a support group help?

In the weeks and months following a loss, we often find ourselves searching for someone who

truly “gets it.” A support group can provide that---a space where grief isn’t rushed or judged,

where tears, silence, and stories are all welcome. Sometimes, just hearing someone else say,

“I’ve felt that way too,” can ease a little of the heaviness that we carry.

The Benefits of a Grief Support Group

They can offer validation, understanding, and connection.

• Hearing “me too” moments----for me, realizing that others were feeling many of the

things I was feeling

•  Learning coping tools from others, realizing that you are all in this new place trying to

find your way with this new way of life. Each person’s story is unique, yet somehow,

threads of understanding weave through them all.

•  Listening to others share their stories and experiences. For me this was so important,

being able to share my story, and listening to others, brought comfort and perspective,

often finding new ways to cope---small steps forward that we may not have considered

before.

•  Feeling less alone. For me and to those I have facilitated in support groups there is a

certain comfort felt in sharing and listening, a connection that is found in a support group, a sense of a community like no other.

Knowing When You’re Ready

There are no “should” or “right” time to join a support group. Some find comfort in connecting

soon after a loss, while others need time before they’re ready to share their feelings aloud. While still others feel they don’t need a support group and try to navigate their loss on their own. Grief has its own rhythm, and part of healing is learning to listen to what we need.

Finding the Right Fit

Not all groups are the same, so finding one that feels comfortable matters. Here are a few things to consider:

Type of loss: Some groups focus on specific losses---like a spouse/partner, parent, or

child---which can make it easier to relate. My personal feeling on this is, if you can find a

specific group for your loss, join that one. When there are many different losses in one

group it is difficult to develop the bond that is needed for those who are experiencing the same loss and who can relate to that loss.

Format: Do you prefer in-person meetings, or would an online group feel easier right

now? There are many pros and cons to both. Some people feel that being in the comfort

of their home makes them less vulnerable. Others need validation and the connection that is made from in-person meetings. When I attended my first group meeting, I was unsure if it would be the right fit for me. I and one other, a gentleman were the youngest 46, in a group of much older women. My grief counselor told me to stay, at least for the first two weeks which I did, and it was the best thing I ever did for myself. I explain the reasons why in my book and would just say to you, give it two weeks and then make your decision.

Comfort: After attending, ask yourself how you felt---did you feel supported, or uneasy?

The right group should feel safe, and without pressure to share before you’re ready.

You may need to visit more than one group before finding the right fit. That’s okay. Just as

with any part of grief, this too is a process of discovery.

A Closing Thought

Grief will always be personal, but it doesn’t have to be isolating. Sometimes healing begins

when we sit in a room of strangers who, for the first time, truly understand our pain. A

support group won’t take away your grief---but it can offer understanding, hope, and gentle

companionship for the road ahead.

“You don’t have to walk through grief alone---sometimes the gentlest comfort comes from

those who have walked the same road.”

Take good care