Grief Changes You…. But It Doesn’t End You

Becoming Someone New After Loss

• You will not be the same person you were before your profound loss, but you will survive and continue to live. You/We must.

• Loss radically alters how we see ourselves, our priorities change, and certain relationships change. You are a changed person, but one who still has purpose and a life to live.

Learning to Carry Grief Differently

• You learn to carry the weight differently and how each of us does that is very different. I found that with some folks I could externalize my feelings, and with others I had to keep my emotions in check, not wanting to upset those around me. Grief changes us…. It’s our unique journey, and it’s entirely normal for the burden to feel light one day and overwhelming the next.

Rebuilding Routines

• Rebuilding routines is not about returning to the past, but about creating a gentle and supportive new daily rhythm. It is important to build into your routine self-care. This is probably something you never took the time to do before your loss. I didn’t, and I will tell you that taking care of me was hard and really didn’t feel natural, but I have come to learn especially while you are grieving a profound loss, that it is so necessary. I can now look at self-care as a gift to myself, and it continues to be built into my daily life. It can look like many things such as; a daily walk, daily prayer, journaling, even if it’s only a word, and of course for me cooking. Lastly, healing requires us to feel our emotions, so setting aside deliberate time, to reflect and simply be with your emotions without judgement should be part of your routine.

Rediscovering Parts of Yourself

• After a major loss it’s not about “bouncing back” to who you used to be. That loss has changed you, but it doesn’t end you…It’s more about how the loss has changed your life, and to begin to explore who you are now becoming. This whole journey has made us feel very different and that is normal. Reflect on who you were before your loss, and remind yourself of the passions you felt, and the values that defined you, those probably won’t change, but you do begin to acknowledge that the life and identity you built has changed, but it doesn’t end you….allow yourself the grace to explore and evolve with new routines and interests.

Understanding That Healing Is Not Betrayal

• Healing after loss is never betrayal; it is a continuation of love. As I began to move forward and find the small joys in life again, I realized I was carrying David with me and that I could hold space in my heart for both deep, lasting grief along with moments of peace and hope. Moving forward was simply a way of integrating my loss into my life, allowing me to remember David with comfort rather than constant pain. I believe that allowing oneself to experience peace and joy again is an act of self-love, and it is exactly what your loved one would want for you. I know David has wanted that for me. 

David Kesselaar renowned author and bereavement specialist, has said that “by moving forward and finding joy again, you are honoring the legacy and impact of the person you lost, celebrating the connection you shared rather than erasing it.” I couldn’t agree more….

Take good care…