Week 3: Navigating Social Gatherings

Social gatherings during the holidays can be especially difficult when you’re grieving. Being surrounded by others who may not understand your pain or encountering traditions that feel incomplete without your loved one, can bring anxiety or sadness.

Decide What Feels Right for You

It’s okay to decline invitations or leave early if a gathering feels overwhelming. You can even share in advance: “I’d love to join, but I might not stay the whole time.” This was something I did on the first Christmas, thinking there was no way I’d be able to handle celebrating without my husband, but what I realized was that my family and friends were grieving as well; so just being together turned out to be very comforting.

Create an Exit Plan

If you do attend a gathering and it proves to be too much and that is OKAY, have an exit plan in place. Drive separately or have a code word with a trusted friend, so you can leave when you need to. You may be surprised and find that being with people who care about you is what you need, so you end up staying.

Honor Your Feelings

This is very important. Don’t pretend you are okay! Be yourself, if you are feeling sad, that’s an honest and real feeling and people will understand. If tears come or you feel a wave of sadness, let it happen. Your emotions are valid and a natural part of grieving.

Bring Their Memory into the Gathering

Consider subtle ways to include your loved one:

• Share a favorite memory or story and ask others to share theirs. This has always been important to me, keeping David’s spirit and memory alive, and I believe it is a big part of our healing.

• Toast in their honor.

• Bring a dish they loved to the event. This was easy for me, because I love cooking and bringing food to an event takes the attention off you and puts it onto the food you brought. It can be a good icebreaker when you arrive, and helps everyone feel at ease because the conversation at least in the beginning isn’t about you but about the food.

Remember they shared your life, keeping their memory alive not only helps you, but others who loved that person.

Balance Connection with Solitude

You may crave connection at times and solitude at others. Listen to what you need and adjust accordingly. When these feelings arise go with what feels right to you-this is part of self-care and very important especially now.

Take good care

Week three recipe: Italian Macaroni and Cheese

I do share a Mac n Cheese recipe in my book Recipes for Healing, it is a little more detailed than this one but they both scream COMFORT, and when we are grieving comfort is what we need. For those of you who aren’t really into cooking this recipe is super easy and just as delicious as the one in my book, so I hope you give it a try!

2 cups of sharp cheddar cheese shredded

1 cup of evaporated milk (the secret ingredient that both of my recipes have which make it creamy and yummy!)

1 tablespoon of Dijon mustard

2-1/2 cups cooked elbow macaroni

½ teaspoon dried basil

1 can (15 ounces) diced tomatoes with liquid (I drain some of the liquid)

½ c of breadcrumbs

2 tablespoons of melted butter

In a medium saucepan, combine cheese, milk and mustard. Cook over low heat stirring constantly until the cheese has melted. Add the pasta and mix well. In a separate bowl mix the tomatoes with basil. In a lightly buttered casserole dish, layer one third of the macaroni and cheese, top with one third of the tomato mixture. Repeat layers ending with the macaroni and cheese. Mix the melted butter with the breadcrumbs and sprinkle on top. Bake at 350 degrees for 30 minutes or until mixture is hot and bubbly. Pasta is my go-to when I’m feeling sad, overwhelmed or when I just need something to comfort me. This is one of those recipes! Enjoy!