What Happens Now?A New Year…. A New Me??

Patricia Comeau-Simonson
Jan 10
3 min read

A new year has a way of asking questions we may not feel ready to answer.

What happens now?

Am I supposed to feel better at this point?

Am I making progress in my grief-----or am I somehow stuck?

When you’ve lost someone you love, the turning of the calendar can feel heavy. There is often an unspoken pressure to treat January as a fresh start, a clean slate. But grief doesn’t follow the calendar. It doesn’t reset because the year has changed.

So how do we know if we are making progress when grief still shows up?

The Myth of “Moving On”

Many of us were taught---directly or indirectly---that grief has an endpoint. That healing looks like less pain, fewer tears, and eventually, moving on. But grief doesn’t disappear, it changes shape and continues to change as our lives move forward.

Progress in grief is not about erasing sadness or leaving our loved one behind. It’s about learning how to carry love and loss together.

What Does Progress Actually Look Like?

Grief progress is often subtle and quiet. It doesn’t announce itself. You may not even notice it at first.

You know you’re making progress through grief when:

You can talk about your loved one and breathe through the emotions that follow.
The waves of grief still come, but you’re better able to stay afloat.
Memories, for the most part, bring comfort, not pain. In the beginning, looking at pictures of my husband and my mom brought nothing but tears and sadness. Now, I cherish the pictures, they bring joy and smiles of the love we shared. In most cases, the pictures bring wonderful stories which now bring comfort without tears.
You realize you are someone different. Grief does change us. I am a different person, my patience has changed, my tolerance level has changed, and my perspective has changed. For better or worse I’m not sure, but I try very hard not to worry about the “small stuff”. I make sure that all the people I love know how much I cherish them, because life is precious and too short.
You have found small routines and rituals that help to keep you grounded. Taking long walks and cooking comfort food has helped me.

None of this means you hurt less because you loved less. It means you are learning how to live with your grief.

Asking Yourself Gentler Questions

Instead of asking:

“Why am I not over this yet?”

Try asking:

What have I learned about myself since my loss?
What helps me on the hardest days?
Where do I notice even the smallest shifts in how I cope?
How am I honoring both my grief and my need to live?

A Personal Reflection: A New Year, Gently

As the new year arrives, and as I’ve done every year since David’s death, I find myself noticing how different this season feels now. There was a time when New Year’s Day was filled with shared plans, familiar traditions, and conversations about what lay ahead.

In the years following Davis’s passing, I’ve learned that the new year doesn’t bring clarity or certainty---it brings presence. Some years, that presence looks like me standing in my kitchen, preparing a familiar recipe, letting the rhythm of chopping or stirring ground me. Other years, it’s simply acknowledging that I’ve made it through another season that once felt impossible...

Through writing Recipes for Healing, I came to understand that progress in grief often reveals itself in these small moments. Not in grand milestones, but in ways we nourish ourselves, remember our loved ones, and keep showing up for life---even when it looks different than we ever imagined.

A Gentle Grounding Exercise for the New Year

If you find yourself wondering whether you’re making progress, try this simple grounding practice: